New York International Auto Show 2015

This article contains lewd images and crude text. If that concerns you, don't scroll down. You've been warned!

I had never been to New York City when my buddy Ben asked if I wanted to take a trip to the city for the auto show. I'd flown through the airports a few times but never actually went to NYC itself. The auto show was a great excuse to do that, so we hopped in his Range Rover and cruised on up to the Big Apple. We arrived late at night, checked into our hotel, and struck out on foot to find some food and a bar.

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We found a Chinese place that was still open and had some dumplings. It was pretty uneventful, but our next stop wasn't.

Somehow we ended up in a lively bar with a large... um, item.... sitting on the counter next to the register behind the bar. After half a beer I finally asked what the deal was.

"Oh this?" The bartender asked, and set it in front of me. "You ask about it, you get it!"

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The bartender then lit the firework strapped to the giant green penis and called out for the whole bar to hear, "Happy birthday!!"

A whole bar full of people I'd never met before cheered for me while I held onto the flaming phallus.

Giant green dick on fleek.jpg

Ben and I ended up having a couple beers there and chatted with a bunch of people. There was a group picture with a Fleshlight photobomb (as if the other floppy, uh, toy in the picture wasn't enough), and eventually we stumbled back to our hotel.

Welcome to New York.

The Auto Show

The New York International Auto Show (NYIAS) was held at the Javits Center, a huge building in Manhattan. There was a decent showing from automotive companies, and I thought attending the event was worthwhile - though I haven't been back a second time.

Aston Martin had four cars on a display. The fifth, the super-exclusive Vulcan, wasn't actually a car. It was a model. The exterior was simply stunning. The interior, however, was non-existent. Oh well, at least we got to see what the car would eventually look like.

Vulcan 2.jpg

My favorite exhibit was that of McLaren. Not only did they have an F1 Longtail and P1 GTR on display, they also had the 675LT and upcoming 570S as well. Even better was that they had a couple of product experts attending from the company's headquarters in England, and they were able to give an in-depth description of each car and what set them apart.

P1 GTR.jpg

Being Tourists in the Big Apple

The rest of the day was spent wandering around quite aimlessly. We didn't have a plan, despite the limitless number of things to see and do in NYC. And I didn't really care. Honestly, I was a bit let down by the city. Sure, there are some great things about it, but to me it just felt like a shitty Tokyo. They say you can tell who the tourists are in New York because they're the ones looking up at the buildings above while residents look forward at where they're going. I spent most of the time looking up. Not because of the buildings, though - most of them weren't interesting - but rather because I didn't want to see all the trash that was so prominently scattered around the streets.

This article is still under construction.